


Upon the Wide and Lazy River

by GwenhwyvarReads



Series: The Journey ( A Western AU) [4]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Fluff, Romance, Western AU, nonbinary!Ruby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-12-25 16:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12040260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwenhwyvarReads/pseuds/GwenhwyvarReads
Summary: A happier timeline for my main Western AU,On the Lightning Trail, where a tired and lonely traveler hears the music and laughter from a steamboat and decides to climb aboard. They find all the dancing and merriment they could have hoped for, along with a introverted young singer that they can't resist any more than they could have avoided following the music.With each step down the road, for better or worse, we change. Here is a timeline in which paths crossed sooner rather than later.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely self-indulgent fluff that I debated on sharing, but as I enjoyed writing it I thought perhaps others might enjoy reading. It's not necessary to be familiar with the main timeline of _On the Lightning Trail_ to understand this, but it would be more meaningful to be familiar with that AU. This is based partially on Sapphire's daydream in Chapter 16, when she wonders what might have been if she'd met Ruby before tragedy set her on a darker path. 
> 
> I don't know that there will be any more of this, but it was fun to explore the characters at a simpler point in their lives!

When Sapphire led Ruby out onto the deck, it was ostensibly to look at the stars. According to his pocketwatch, the time was somewhere around three in the morning and most of the steamboat’s patrons had gone home to their beds. The music had long since fallen silent and the only ones that remained were the most dedicated, or desperate, gamblers. These men were likely be poured out onto the bank at dawn, reeking of cigar smoke and whiskey, but for now they held court in the dimly lit interior. Far better to seek privacy and fresh air outside at the railing. The night wind was cold, but Ruby’s hand in hers was very warm. 

Overhead the stars shone as brightly as diamonds scattered against the deep, velvety blue of the sky and the silver moon followed along overhead as silent chaperone. Most of the lights in town had long since been put out, leaving only a few distant sparks of life in the darkness; there nothing to mar the perfect view above. But it was more earthly things that held Sapphire’s attention, like the way Ruby was humming the melody to one of her favorite dancing songs and pulling her into his arms. He swayed in place with her and she took up the harmony, laying her head against his shoulder and thinking back to the night they’d met.

When the bright-eyed young man had approached her after a performance, Sapphire had been flattered but not terribly interested. She’d seen plenty of starstruck human beings, although at least this one was clean and cute in a puppyish sort of way. He looked as out of place among the other patrons as a sparrow among peacocks, or perhaps it was hawks and vultures, but he didn’t act as if he was bothered by it. She’d expected him to compliment her beauty, but instead her hand was grabbed and shaken vigorously. Words rushed out in a torrent of enthusiasm for music and admiration for her voice. She must have looked dazed, because he backed up a step and whipped his hat off. Round cheeks had flushed red with embarrassment and a name was offered along with an apology for being too forward. Ruby had just come to town and he was a little lost, but the steamship had looked so pretty floating down the river and the lights were so bright and the music was impossible to resist and he’d been lonely and there she was and-and-and!

He’d hushed and left off crushing his hat to his chest when she had smiled back and taken his hand. Sapphire was woman who lived surrounded by crowds, gracefully and carefully interacting with other humans beings, but never part of them. She’d never even made friends among her coworkers and the truth was she had never attempted to make friends, but something in those hopeful brown eyes and artless smile made Sapphire want to spend a little more time with this one. Without letting go of his hand, she’d backed out onto the dance floor and Ruby had followed. When he’d admitted he didn’t know how to dance, Sapphire pointed out that any music lover really must give dancing a try and she’d be delighted to teach him. 

They'd danced and laughed together until they were breathless and exhausted. As their steps started to stumble with fatigue, she'd led Ruby over to the card tables and demonstrated her other skills. When the night was over, Ruby expressed amazement at how well she'd played the game. Sapphire had smiled secretively and shrugged. The house always won, one way or another. Dinner had been on the house, with her compliments, and the owner himself came out to see what has so captured her attention. 

Wendell Schwarz was a gregarious middle-aged man with a talent for spotting opportunities; a practice that had made him wealthy and given others, like Sapphire, the chances they needed. Ruby also became the beneficiary of that, because after being questioned the young man was offered a probationary position. The job was to make sure unwanted patrons left the boat with as little fuss and property damage as possible. He’d need to carry a pistol, but rarely use it. Shooting on a crowded deck was dangerous and why bother when the railing and the river wasn’t far? He had two weeks to prove his worth and Ruby had taken on the challenge with all possible confidence. 

Three months later, Ruby was still there and Schwarz was bragging to any who’d listen that he’d found another diamond in the rough. Although he was no taller than the petite singer, Ruby was as sturdy and muscled as a miniature ox. He was just about as stubborn and temperamental as one too. But it wasn't muscle that made Ruby stand out, it was his lack of vice. He spoke frankly, drank lightly, refused to gamble or chase skirts, and didn’t go out of his way to start a fight. When a patron became a problem, then his temper flared up. The resulting fight was fast and was ended with finality. Peace reigned and life went on.

Ruby was also a very sweet and sentimental soul. That had no real relevance to the job, but it meant everything to Sapphire. Every time she looked into his face, those earnest brown eyes and cheeks that always seemed to be blushing red under the deeply tanned and freckled skin, her heart fluttered. His broad grins and laughter invited her to join in on whatever was happening, even if she didn’t always understand why it was funny. He laughed for the joy of laughing and lived for the sake of being alive. She had known neither the warmth of friendship or the chill of loneliness until this moment. Her days had held a sameness that was comfortable and yet, now, seemed rather empty and meaningless. They’d arranged to spend meals and run errands together, because any time apart was starting to feel like time wasted. She didn’t know what he saw in her, but then she was seeing more in herself to like since they’d met. 

The feeling of hot, damp breath on her neck woke Sapphire from her reminiscing. The kisses were so light that she barely felt the press of lips trailing up the column of her throat and teasing through her lace choker, but it reminded her that there was something beyond the warmth of friendship being kindled here. Ruby’s humming, soft and carefree, continued even after her harmony lapsed into sighs. Her evening gowns were always cut to be off the shoulder, the better to show off an elegant neck and the sweep of her collar bones, but Ruby had taken her taste in clothing and made an obsession of it. Sometimes even more than her lips, he seemed to delight in kissing those smooth expanses of skin she had bared to the world and given only to him. 

She’d learned quickly that trying to run her fingers through Ruby’s curls made a mess and wasn’t exactly fun for either of them, but burying her fingers in them and pulling him close was very satisfying...and it encouraged Ruby into less restrained displays of affection. They’d played a cautious game, like children who knew that fire burned but couldn’t resist reaching for it: Ruby avoiding touching any skin that she hadn’t exposed herself and Sapphire taunting him with warnings not to leave marks anywhere that could be seen and to not smudge her rouge. It was a stalemate, Sapphire urging him on and then pushing away when the need for something more began to build between them. At first she’d felt a little twinge of fear. Fear that he’d get tired of being put off or would take offense. Fear that he wouldn’t stop. But Ruby had honored her choices, simply laughing and waving away the fan or glove that swatted him as reminders to behave. He’d kiss the back of her hand, once, and let the fire die down. The fear had been buried in the ashes.

“What’s on your mind, Sapph?” Ruby’s voice startled her, but the question had no bite of accusation. He was curious and only that. She shook her head and tipped her chin back, silently asking for more. His teeth grazed her collarbone and then he stood up straight again. Her hands were gently pulled from his hair and clasped between them. “Sapph?”

“I’m just wool-gathering, Ruby,” she said. He still looked concerned, so she smiled and added, “I’m thinking about you.” That earned her a little grin and Ruby leaned in for a slow, lingering kiss. When he drew back, there was a carmine smear on his lips. Sapphire couldn’t help giggling and he took advantage of her parted lips to playfully catch one between his teeth. Ruby let go and she followed as if he hadn’t, meshing their mouths together and losing herself in the feeling of dry, cracked lips on smoothly painted ones, of the heat of their tongue against hers, of a craving of closeness that never seemed to be satisfied. 

Sapphire touched his shoulder and gently pushed back. Ruby broke the kiss and pressed their foreheads together, resting there a moment before stepping back. Her hand was raised to Ruby’s lips for a genteel kiss and that, more than anything else, made up her mind. That brief contact that said she was respected and Ruby wanted nothing from her that she didn’t want to give. 

Sapphire twined their fingers together and tugged Ruby along with her, strolling as casually as she could towards the stairs leading to the lower deck. Ruby clearly thought they were finished for the night; comprehension didn’t set until they’d reached the right level and were heading towards her room. She felt the realization in the tightening of his grip and the sharp intake of breath behind her. A glance over her shoulder had giggles bubbling up again, like the fizz in champagne. 

Ruby’s eyes were wide with surprise, but then there was that grin. That broad, mischievous grin that showed all his teeth and made her feel weak and giddy and daring all at once. If she’d had any doubts, they were lost as Ruby linked arms with her and they hurried down the hall, smothering their laughter and hushing each other in the same breath. Fingers touched lips. They were tripping over their feet and on the hem of her skirt; holding each other up and yet falling into each other's arms. She fumbled with the key to her room and Ruby caught it. Getting the lock open was a joint effort and they spilled through the doorframe and onto the carpet. Ruby somehow twisted to take most of the impact, tucking her head beneath his chin and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. If it hurt, it did nothing to interrupt his breathless chuckling. Neither did it stop her snort of amusement when he blindly managed to kick the door shut.

“Ruby!” Kisses rained down on her face and between them and her own helpless laughter, she gasped out, “I’m a lady and this is the floor.” There was a grunt of affirmation that, yes, she was a very lovely lady and this was in fact the floor. “This dress costs more than you make in a month.”

“Oh.” 

His laughter took on a distinctly sheepish tone and the weight of his body was abruptly gone. She resisted the urge to pout at the loss of body heat, because he was only doing what she had asked and the dress did cost too much to be manhandled, but then the warmth was back and she was lifted into the air. Ruby carried her, cradled in his arms, as easily as if she was a china doll and set down on the stool in front of her dressing table. A broad palm cupped her cheek so carefully that she might well have been made of china and one more kiss was pressed to her temple. Then he was gone, scuffling around on the floor in what she presumed was a search for the discarded key. 

The silk curtains didn’t keep the moonlight from peeking into the room, bathing everything in a soft, dreamlike luminescence. But it was too cold and without color. Sapphire didn’t need dreams, not when the reality of Ruby was beside her. She lit the kerosene lamps on either side of the silvered glass mirror, adjusting the wicks as golden light and color flooded the room with warmth. The lamps were heavily weighted and secured in place for safety, but some effort had been made to make the small room inviting. The wooden wardrobe and dressing table were delicately beveled and varnished a rich dark brown. Her bed was small, but the wrought iron frame had been painted ivory to match the walls and covered with sheets in her favorite shade of sapphire blue. There was even a fresh bouquet of flowers from the previous night in a leaded glass vase on the table.

A click off to her left let Sapphire know the key had been found and their privacy ensured. Now that she’d had a moment to catch her breath and her heart wasn’t racing as fast, she quickly fell into her nightly routine. Her jewelry was removed and tucked into their box. A small jar of cream was pulled from the top drawer of the dressing table and used to remove the minor amount of cosmetics she’d used. The scent of rosewater and almonds was always soothing and there was a certain satisfaction in wiping away the face she put on for performances. Sapphire smiled at her reflection in the mirror and began pulling out the pins that secured her elaborately coiled hair. The style looked lovely, but fashion was truly torture and she really did groan in pleasure then, at the wonderful relief of letting down her hair. It fell to her hips in thick, blonde waves and she was just picking up her brush when she noticed Ruby’s reflection in her mirror.

His hand was raised, a long strand of her hair had been coiled around his fingers. Ruby noticed her watching and let go, rubbing the back of his neck and shifting uncomfortably. 

“Sorry, it’s just your hair is really pretty. You could never do anything that fancy with mine.” Ruby hooked one of his dark curls, pulling it straight and allowing it to spring back into place. He shrugged and added, “It’s hard enough just making sure I don’t look like a used mop.”

“Your hair suits you perfectly. It’s stubborn and full of life. I… I think you’re very attractive, Ruby. Just the way you are right now. ” 

The smile and the blush that blossomed in Ruby’s cheeks was more than worth the admission. Sapphire reached back to capture his hand and press the brush into Ruby’s palm. He took the hint and the brush, tentatively running the bristles through her hair. Soon enough the strokes were gaining confidence and pressure. She watched him in the mirror, taking in the endearing expression of concentration, the way his nose scrunched and he chewed on his lower lip. Giving her the best he had to offer mattered to Ruby, even in small things like this, and it made her heart feel a little like it might burst. It was a strong, but quiet, joy and she relaxed into it and into Ruby’s touch. 

Somehow, she’d expected something different when she’d invited Ruby into her room tonight. She had no experience with sex, no mother figure or woman in her life to explain more than what she could learn from the whisperings of others. She’d heard the gossiping of the female staff: the maids, the kitchen workers, the servers. The stories would be accompanied by gasps and raucous laughter, painting pictures that seemed more aggressive and frightening than anything she’d call enjoyable. She couldn’t imagine Ruby deliberately hurting her, but there’d been so much talk of “first times” and pain. So much speculation on who might be pregnant and what sort of men would have a woman’s skirts in the air without a second thought. 

There was no place for fear here. Not here, where she was safe and comfortable, surrounded by the glow of the lamps and Ruby’s feelings for her. He hadn’t spoken the words yet, but Sapphire felt certain she was loved. She saw it in the way he looked into her eyes, like there was nothing else so worth his attention. She heard it in his voice, every time he called out an excited greeting, as if it had been years instead of hours since they’d last been together. She felt it in the way he touched her, like she was something special that needed to be handled with care and consideration. So she didn’t know what sex would be like, but if it she was going to give anything of herself to someone then she wanted it to be Ruby. 

The tension that her thoughts were creating must have been noticeable, because Ruby set the brush down on the table and pulled her into his arms. She leaned back against that strength and allowed herself to be held. Ruby’s cheek came to rest on top of her head and he murmured into her hair, “Stay with me? It feels like you’re a hundred miles away, Sapph.” When she didn’t answer, Ruby caught her eyes in the mirror and added, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m sorry...I...” 

Before a litany of apologies could begin or the mood be entirely broken, she twisted around in his arms and pointed a finger right in his face. She misjudged the distance slightly, because she poked his nose flat. Ruby’s eyes crossed trying to follow the sudden movement, but she had his full attention when she dryly pointed out, “As I recall, I’m the one who led you here. Not the other way around.” 

She could see the protest coming in the pinched eyebrows and the downturn of his lips, so Sapphire stood and took him by the shoulders. It was her intention to try and kiss him into submission, but then a more creative idea occurred to her. Before she could think about it too carefully and lose courage, Sapphire stalked in a circle around the confused young man, who turned to continue facing her, until he was positioned just right to be pushed down onto the stool. He went down with a thump and a small, choking sound of dismay. Sapphire set one booted foot in his lap.

“This sure is a… nice boot?” Ruby looked up at her in utter bewilderment. He wrapped one hand around her heel and the other migrated into his hair to tug absently. “Quality leather.”

“They are,” Sapphire agreed neutrally, “and I want you to help me take them off.”

Comprehension dawned bright and clear in Ruby’s eyes. There was that happy grin again, the one that made her feel like the knot of tension in her gut had been deftly picked loose. Having caught onto her game, one large palm cupped her calf to give her balance and he carefully undid the row of buttons that ran up the side of her black and white boots. Sliding it off involved a lot of stroking her skin through the stockings and, when Ruby would have set her foot down, she put her hand over his and drew it higher up her leg to where the hem of her dress bunched around her bent knee.

“The stocking too.”

Ruby’s fingers moved hesitantly along the hem on her dress, teasing under the fringe of black lace and pulling back. A sort of tension was building up, but it was of a different sort than she’d known. Sapphire had never been so acutely aware of the sensation of someone’s fingertips on her body or the feeling of her silk stockings moving against her skin. Rather than push her skirt out of the way, he reached beneath the fabric and felt along the top of her stockings for the fastenings that held them up. 

She secretly loved spending a little extra on fancy lingerie, enjoying the thrill of wearing elaborate lace designs and how beautiful she felt in them, but never expecting it to be seen by someone else. Now the chantilly lace border came into view as Ruby eased it down and off, laying it aside on the dressing table. He smoothed the wrinkled silk, tracing the flowing pattern of vines and morning glories with his finger, then turned back to her and, before she had time to think or flinch away, reached back under her skirt. 

The look in his eyes was familiar; she’d often seen Ruby fixate on a particular task to the exclusion of everything else, but to have that intense focus turned in her direction sent a thrill of excitement down her spine. He found the place where the lace had left indents in the soft flesh of her thighs, massaging them away and leaning down to kiss the exposed skin just below her knee. Only once did that light touch roam higher, brushing so close the the apex of her thighs that Sapphire’s breath caught in her throat. She shuddered, resisting the conflicting reflexes to press her thighs together to smother the sudden throbbing and spread them further to offer more room to explore. When every mark, both real and contrived, had been soothed and Sapphire was certain she might melt under the heat of his hands, her heel was firmly removed from his lap and set on the floor. And the wonderful torture began again.

When her other stocking lay draped across its partner and Ruby set her foot down, Sapphire turned with a swirl of skirts and swept her long hair over her shoulder to expose the line of buttons down her back. This time, Ruby needed no prompting and she smiled to herself when she felt him fumble with the buttons. When the last pearl button came free, she quickly stepped away and let her hair fall back into place like a golden curtain. The desperate, questioning little whine from behind her made it worth delaying throwing herself into his arms and demanding the rest of her skin receive equal attention. This was yet another thing those kitchen whisperers hadn’t told her; that being desired could make her feel powerful. On the stage, she belonged to the crowd and her employer - the buyer could call the tune. But here she could give the orders; everything was her right to give...or deny. Ruby would have to wait. She opened the doors to the dresser and let the gown fall to the floor with a smooth shrug of her shoulders. 

Sapphire’s long hair obscured anything her audience might be trying to see. With each additional layer she removed, she felt just a little more exposed and vulnerable. She continued to leisurely strip away her clothing, bending at the knees to pick up what fell and keeping her movements soft and flowing. It kept her hair in place and looked like confidence, but there came a moment when everything had been properly stored away and there was nothing left to do except turn around. Sapphire gathered all the courage and poise she could pretend to have, took a deep breath, and turned to face her audience. 

Sitting perfectly still in the soft lamplight, with his hands clasped tightly in his lap, was Ruby. There was nothing in his wide eyed expression except wonder and a vulnerability that equaled her own. He was holding his breath too. Her arms, which had been rising to cover herself, fell relaxed at her sides and the breath she had been holding was let go in a gentle sigh. She lifted her chin and sauntered across the short distance between them, coming to a stop between Ruby’s knees. His gaze wandered downward, briefly, almost palpably caressing the heavy curves of her body, before snapping back up to her face as she leaned down to him with parted lips. 

Arms wrapped around her shoulders and Ruby surged up to meet her mouth half way. A palm, a little sweaty and trembling with suppressed excitement, travelled the length of her spine and pressed into the small of her back until Sapphire’s hips collided with his. Ruby sat back and pulled her down with him. There was a moment of confusion; she lurched forward and his tug threw off her balance. Teeth clicked together painfully and she landed in Ruby’s lap hard. He flinched, but the grip on her back held her in place and she wrapped her legs around Ruby’s hips for stability. Equilibrium haltingly restored itself and Sapphire opened eyes that had clenched tightly closed in anticipation of falling. 

Laughter began, tentatively, starting with Ruby and strengthening as Sapphire joined in. It quieted as Ruby’s mouth covered her own, the heat of his tongue sweeping against hers and teasing her into senseless compliance. Only desperation for air made her turn away, ragged panting mixing with speachless bliss, but Ruby simply took it as a signal to move on to other places. Her neck and shoulders were already familiar and favored territory for Ruby; he kissed a trail from the hammering pulse point in her throat down to the valley between her breasts like he was starved for the taste of her skin. Sapphire became aware of his hands on her ribs, stroking the skin just beneath her breasts. No one had ever touched her body like this before… and it took only a moment’s consideration before she buried her hands in Ruby’s curls and pushed his head down at the same time as she arched her back.

Ruby’s obedience was immediate and so very eager. Warm hands pressed and molded her breasts. Kisses fell randomly and wantonly on skin that had never felt so sensitive, as if Ruby couldn't make up his mind what he wanted first. Some stray thought giggled in her mind and pointed out that would be very much like Ruby: so enthusiastic that he tried going a dozen directions at once. Then his tongue dragged across her nipple and coherent thought ceased altogether. Awareness became flashes of stronger sensations within the general haze of pleasure; the cool shock of his belt buckle pressing just below her bellybutton and how it was quickly taking on her body temperature, the rough texture of Ruby’s pants rubbing between her legs and the way the cotton was getting damp, the tickle of her hair as it brushed against her bare back. There was hot breath and a hotter mouth and the scrape of teeth that set her nerves on fire. 

She whined at the loss when Ruby leaned back, but willingly gave herself up to the kiss when his lips found hers once more. The frantic pace slowed a little and somehow… as exciting as the intensity had been, this slow mingling of lips and breath was a necessary reassurance. Ruby stroked and pulled at her shoulders until their chests were pressed together. The jolt that came from his vest rasping against her nipples was a counterpoint to the comforting rubbing of Ruby’s cheek against hers before he turned just enough to kiss the overheated skin. 

When Sapphire touched his shoulder and lightly pushed back, Ruby obeyed that wordless request as quickly as he’d followed her previous demand to come closer. She felt a little embarrassed to interrupt. The blood pounding in her veins and the hunger that had taken hold of her body wanted more, certainly Ruby must have wanted more, but something small and shaky, something deep down in her mind, wanted to slow down for a moment. 

He blinked up at her and the dazed look in his eyes, dilated nearly black in the lamplight, almost inspired another bout of laughter. Some of that must have shown in her expression because, once Ruby’s eyes had focused more clearly on her face, he offered a rueful grin. Ruby’s chest had been heaving as he gasped for air, but it became something of a shuddering huff of amusement. Sapphire fidgeted with the collar of Ruby’s shirt and a widening of that grin warned her something absurd was coming. 

“Uh... I guess I'm overdressed for this party, huh?”

Her snort of laughter wasn't at all ladylike. Sapphire tried to feign irritation, but lost the battle for dignity when Ruby tickled her into peals of giggles. It was no great loss. She felt lightheaded and lighthearted … but, most of all, she felt safe. It crossed Sapphire’s mind that Ruby had no pride when it came to comforting her; he was always willing to be silly if it would make her smile. That didn’t stop her from swatting Ruby on the head for the joke, if only because Ruby made her want to be just as playful as he was. Also, she honestly couldn’t breathe at this point and the nerve prickling sensation of his nails on her skin was becoming overwhelming. 

Ruby ducked his head and kissed the dip between her collarbones before trying to stand but, between her squirming and legs that were probably falling asleep from the way they were sitting, his knees buckled. Ruby pitched forward and the stool toppled with them in a tangle of limbs and furniture. Her back hit the rug and Ruby yelped when his knees landed on either side of her hips. Ruby’s elbows and forearms caught their weight, keeping her head securely tucked against his chest, once again sparing her a more painful fall by taking the brunt of it himself. Sapphire winced sympathetically at his moan of pain and, in a flash of audacity, whispered to him, “I’ll kiss it better for you if you’ll show me where it hurts.”

The words worked magic. Sapphire found herself hefted up and set on her feet. Ruby grabbed her hands in both of his and looked right into her eyes with a raw eagerness that was both endearing and electrifying. “Promise?”

At her nod, Ruby quickly set the stool back upright and sat down on it. His boot were kicked off and seat beside hers against the dressing table. Sapphire smiled down at them, feeling oddly sentimental to see Ruby’s scuffed, practical boots resting next to her own fashionable and highly polished pair. She glanced up and caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her golden hair was a wild halo around her head and shoulders, glinting in the lamplight. Sapphire brought a hand to her lips; the deep red blush of her cheeks and lips was prettier than any cosmetic she’d ever applied. Feeling shameless and free, reveling in the confidence of her reflection, Sapphire turned back to Ruby.

His jacket and vest had been discarded on the floor behind him. Ruby stood to undo the row of buttons down down the front of his shirt and Sapphire watched the process with anticipation ...and a bit of apprehension. She'd never seen a man naked before and, although she had no fear of Ruby, this was new territory. This was what the other women she'd eavesdropped on talked about with vulgar laughter and descriptions of things that sounded rough and painful and nothing like what she was experiencing right now. 

Then those thoughts utterly vanished because Ruby’s shirt was hanging open and she wasn’t sure what she’d expected, but it wasn’t this. Clearly visible in the gap of Ruby’s shirt were the curves of two small, soft breasts. Sapphire couldn’t quite process what she was seeing, but what she saw next was all too understandable. Ruby looked up at her, that dear, round cheeked little face almost glowing with hope and affection. And then the light went out like a snuffed candle. Ruby followed the line of her gaze downward and looked back up; jerking backward as if slapped. The most open soul she’d ever met stood before her and she saw that soul laid bare in those brown eyes and expressive face. Confusion became shock; pain and abashment bled into the mix and Ruby’s shoulders slumped forward; posture and the shift of clothing making the breasts less obvious. 

He...she… Ruby grabbed the trailing edges of the shirt and pulled it closed. Sapphire had a flash of foresight that left her feeling cold. Whatever was happening could be discussed later, needed to be discussed later, but if she didn’t act now then something fragile was going to shatter and Sapphire didn’t know if it could ever be repaired if she let that happen. Her offer to kiss anything better if Ruby would just show her what hurt came back to haunt her, but in that self-deprecation she found inspiration. She seized Ruby’s face with both hands and brought their lips together in a clumsy kiss. 

The taste of desperation was bitter on her tongue and Ruby’s lips were tight and unresponsive against hers. She tried again, softer, cupping Ruby’s cheeks and moving her lips against the trembling, downturned mouth. Ruby’s breathing hitched and she felt the heat of a tear roll down one cheek and onto hers. She kissed it away and followed the trail up to it’s source. More tears were welling up his eyes. Her eyes? Ruby wasn’t pushing her away, but she wasn’t getting through either. 

“I... I’m surprised. I’m not going to lie,” Sapphire said slowly, carefully choosing her words because what she said next was too important to make mistakes. “ But this doesn’t change anything. I’m … I love you. I love Ruby. Who that person is hasn’t changed and neither has the way I feel.”

Somehow, saying it undid the knot of tension in her chest, because she realized it was the truth. She didn’t care and she was in love. She could have laughed in relief, but she didn’t want Ruby to misunderstand. Tentatively, Ruby’s arms came up around her shoulders and she leaned into the embrace. Sapphire stroked his hair … her hair… and Ruby’s body slumped in her arms. She couldn’t hold Ruby’s full weight long, so she guided them both to the edge of the bed and pulled them down beside her. 

“You love me?” Ruby’s voice was so small and so vulnerable. Sapphire licked dry lips and nodded. When she brushed Ruby’s hands aside there was no resistance. She slid the shirt off her… off Ruby’s shoulders and cupped her palm under one petite breast. Now that the surprise was fading, she had to admit they were very cute breasts. Sapphire tested the slight weight and ran a thumb against a dark, perky nipple and felt a smirk tugging at her mouth when Ruby gasped. It had felt amazing when Ruby had been doing it, so she bend down to close her mouth around the little nub. 

A light push had Ruby sprawling across her mattress and offered more room for Sapphire to explore. Heat was returning to her body and the way Ruby was squirming in her arms, panting open mouthed and whining every time she found a particularly good place, made her feel determined to leave nothing out of her meticulous study. She had come to know the heady rush of giving her body to someone else, but now Sapphire discovered the thrill of being offered complete trust and access to someone else’s body. 

She mapped the warm skin spread out beneath her hands, feeling the firm definition of muscle and the subtle swell of Ruby’s hips as she unbuckled the heavy belt and pushed the pants lower. She murmured a request for permission against the taut skin of Ruby’s abdomen and it was granted with the lifting of hips and another set of hands that helped remove the last barrier between their bodies. The questioning look, the silent question of if she was still okay with the body Ruby had been born with, was answered with a soft kiss just above the coarse patch of curls that had been exposed. 

Ruby’s sense of humor must have rubbed off, because it abruptly crossed her mind that at least she didn’t need to worry about unwanted pregnancies. She reminded that little inner voice, which sounded altogether too much like Ruby, that pointing that out right now would be tactless. True, but tactless. It also meant that what little she understood about sex wasn’t really applicable anymore. Sapphire was okay with that too. She was even more clueless now, but everything with Ruby was different. Different and better and something they'd work out together. 

Ruby sat up, startling her, and patted Sapphire’s cheek. “Sapph?” Ruby’s tone suggested her name had been called more than once. 

“Sorry, it's just...”, Sapphire trailed off. She beginning to feel embarrassed now, but the next thing she knew Ruby was pulling her up face to face. A hand was scrubbed across eyes still red rimmed from tears and Ruby took a shaky breath.

“Want to know a secret, Sapph?” Ruby sounded uncommonly serious, so she leaned closer. Sapphire found herself wrapped up in a tight embrace and Ruby’s lips right beside her ear. “You’ll never know everything and you’ll never be perfect.” The whispered words shocked her into silence, but Ruby wasn’t finished. She was given a moment for that statement to sink in before Ruby flopped back onto the mattress and pulled her down on top. “It can’t happen, so instead of getting scared when you realize you can’t… tell me? Because I love you too, just like you are.”

Sapphire had never felt so warm in her life as she did then, surrounded by her lover’s arms and by the safety of their feelings for eachother. Ruby’s body radiated heat and she curled closer into that comfort. The feeling of bare skin on her own was strange and exciting; soft breasts and bellies pressed together, legs tangled and mouths came together to express themselves in a place where words had become inadequate. When it felt like the feverish heat had burned the fear from her mind just as a real fever would have burned away sickness of the body, Sapphire buried her face against Ruby’s chest and spoke honestly.

“I have no idea what I’m doing. I didn’t even think about sex before I met you and I haven’t really been thinking too much about it until right now. No one has ever been that interesting.” The words were muffled by her position and she clung harder to the shelter Ruby offered. A hand stroked through her hair and she felt a kiss pressed to the top of her head. “...and I tried ah… feeling around a few times in past. It really didn’t do anything for me, so I didn’t bother. Either I’m really bad at this or maybe there’s something wrong with me. Everyone else wants romance or sex or...or…” 

“Or maybe you’re just you and that’s fine,” Ruby interjected, halting the downward spiral into anxiety before it really took hold of her. “Also, I’ve clearly slept with everyone east of the sun and west of the moon, so I’m completely secure and know what I’m doing.” Apparently her drier sense of humor was rubbing off on Ruby. She smiled weakly and nuzzled into Ruby’s neck, accepting the reassurance she was being offered. Ruby sighed heavily and was quiet for a time. Sapphire found herself relaxing to the point of drowsiness, lulled by the steady heartbeat and breathing of her lover. The hands that continued to comb through her hair were slow and gentle, drawing lines across her scalp and down the back of her neck. 

“Listen, I’ve been interested before, but never enough to act on it. And I have some idea what feels good for me, but it was boring to play around like that alone and that still doesn’t tell me what you’ll like best. So we’re even...understand? Tonight isn't about knowing. It's about learning.” Ruby paused and then added, a hint of uncertainty creeping in now, “Was there anything you’ve liked so far?”

“Everything!” Sapphire exclaimed, not wanting Ruby to think for a second that she regretted anything they'd done. She didn't. “But… well. I really like this. You holding me and kissing me.”

“Would you like to do that until you fall asleep?”

Sapphire hesitated, feeling a little guilty, but Ruby rolled her carefully onto her side and looked down into her eyes. Slowly, deliberately, the back of her hand was raised to Ruby’s lips and kissed. 

“Yes, I do.” She answered clearly this time and Ruby smiled down at her. With a nod, Ruby got out of the bed and went to the window. The blackout curtains, heavy material that wouldn't allow the morning sun to disturb them, were drawn closed and the lamps blown out. In the darkness, Sapphire felt the blankets pulled up over her and a warm body slip in beside her. There was nothing but contentment in the kiss they shared and Sapphire drifted into dreams with the sound of Ruby’s heartbeat under her cheek and the warmth of their bodies surrounding her.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up was a gradual process on a normal morning, but Sapphire found this time was particularly difficult. It was verging on winter in the world outside her room, but in her soft bed existed the languid heat of midsummer. Sleep weighted her body down and she resisted it without conviction, lifting her head slightly before flopping back and nuzzling into her pillow. Her pillow, which was bigger and less padded than it should be. And breathing? She was too comfortable and limp to panic, but her sleep hazy mind toyed with the puzzle pieces until a coherent picture began in take shape.

She’d taken Ruby back to her room and, judging by the body wrapped around her own, she’d taken her guest into her bed. There were things she’d done under the protective veil of night that Sapphire felt should have left her feeling humiliated in the sober light of day, but there was nothing but warmth in the memory and a little thrill deep down that she could be so brazen. Perhaps it was because the blackout curtains were still hiding them from the fear and uncertainty of day. The soft mound of Ruby’s small breast was under her cheek and, as she stretched carefully, she learned the sensation of another’s skin moving against her own. But how had the night ended? Sapphire pressed a kiss against Ruby’s collar bone and eased out of the arms that had held her close all night. Leaving the bed was a necessary evil and the young woman groped blindly for the pitcher that stood on her nightstand. Between an uncomfortably full bladder and a dry mouth, the more easily solved problem came first. Memory failed to provide clarity on the night’s revelry beyond a certain point and Sapphire felt the first twinge of embarrassment when she finally remembered why she couldn’t recall an ending. Because there hadn’t been. She’d said no. For all the kissing and build up, they’d slept as soundly and chastely as a pair of children. 

Pulling back the curtains prompted Ruby to groan and fling an arm over their eyes. It might have blocked her lover’s view of the sun, but it did nothing to conceal anything else. The young woman felt her cheeks heating at her own shamelessness, but she couldn’t stop staring. They'd slept almost to noon and the sunlight pouring through the window brought out highlights of gold and amber in the person sprawled across her bed. Sapphire had never thought to imagine Ruby without clothes, but perhaps that just spared her from any preconceived notions. She’d said to herself the night before that the body was dear because Ruby was and she’d meant it, but now she felt almost breathless as she moved to sit on the edge of the mattress. 

Tentatively, she stretched out a hand and let the tips of her fingers map the tanned expanse of skin. When she reached the end of their ribcage, firm muscle was overlaid by a soft layer of fat. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she resisted the impulse to rub her cheek against the swell of their tummy. Sapphire told herself it was only that she hadn’t had breakfast that the color of Ruby’s skin reminded her of cafe au laite and that the light fuzz covering their body tempted her like the skin of fresh picked peach. She licked her lips and swallowed. Dear God in heaven she was hungry.

A cough drew her eyes upward. Ruby was watching her and the deep crimson of their cheeks complemented the red undertone that burned beneath the darkness of their curls. Without thought, Sapphire blurted out, “You’re beautiful.”

Ruby’s eyes went wide and the red tinge spread until it even reached their ears. Her compliment must have gone wide of the mark, because they looked more horrified than flattered. She felt a stab of uncertainty; had she used the wrong word? Did Ruby want to be handsome? Was she being too forward, now that the moment had passed? She’d been touching them without permission and where was her manners and she wasn’t -

“I’m not! I mean, I am? Am I? Oh God, uh...I’m sorry. Give me a moment, I just woke up,” Ruby interrupted, scrambling to sit up and simultaneously trying to reach for her and cover their blushing face. She started to get up, but they grabbed her wrists firmly. With each frantic word their voice rose in pitch and volume, almost wailing as they said, “No no no, Sapph! It’s okay. I’m … uh… not used to hearing that or… waking up like this. With someone else. Not that it’s bad! It’s you and you’re amazing and so much prettier than me and I was looking at you too. Aaugh…” 

They let go of her to bury their face in their hands, scrubbing roughly at the skin before raking their hair back. Sapphire pressed cool hands to the ones covering Ruby’s burning cheeks. After of few minutes of soothing, Ruby stopped muttering to themselves and allowed her to pull their hands away. She kissed at the lips that still wobbled at the corners until she found a smile and whispered, “Good morning.”

A watery sounding chuckle answered her and Sapphire gathered Ruby to her chest, rocking them gently and stroking their spine. The pair gradually relaxed into each other. In silent wonder they came to know the comforting warm of bare skin, of the steadying rhythm of two hearts beating together, of the ebb and flow of breath. Ruby eased down until their back was against the mattress and it could have been so easy to pick up where they’d left off, but what she'd deferred the night before couldn't be put off forever. 

“Ruby, I do have a few questions,” she said. They tensed beneath her, but didn't try to stop Sapphire as she continued, “I want you to know the answers won’t change anything. I just want to understand some things about you better than I do right now.”

Sapphire felt Ruby sigh into her hair and nuzzle closer before they nodded. Unfortunately, sitting up jarred her bladder painfully and Ruby started giggling when she crossed her legs. When she demanded indignantly if they didn't need to pee just as badly, they shrugged and told her not really. They limited how much they drank and stopped after a certain point in the afternoon. The trouble with people assuming they were a man was that it would look strange if anyone noticed they constantly needed to go somewhere private to pee. On the ship, most of the men just peed over the side and the fact that they didn’t might be interpreted as either disgraceful timidity or a sign they were putting on airs.

It was by mutual agreement that any further conversation was set aside until after they’d gotten settled and Ruby volunteered to bring a tray of breakfast for them to share. Alone in her room, Sapphire was free to use the chamberpot in peace, but her mind was troubled by what Ruby had told her. It couldn’t be healthy for them to drink so little and it seemed profoundly wrong to her than anyone should have to go through so much difficulty just to relieve themselves. 

She was just finishing dressing and looking for her handkerchief when an idea hit her. Whenever nature called, she could tell Ruby to get something from her room and they could use the chamberpot without anyone being the wiser. That would make her look a little imperious, she refused to consider it might appear scatterbrained as well, but it would provide Ruby with an excuse no one could question. 

There was a loud thud and her door rattled like it had been kicked. The satisfaction she’d been feeling was forgotten when she opened the door and came face to red, scowling face with Ruby. They stormed past her with a full tray of breakfast, a surprise considering how late they'd slept in, and dropped it on her bed with considerably more force than necessary. Sapphire flinched at the rattle of china and silverware, breathing a sigh of relief when nothing broke, and tried to interpret the irate growling and mutterings.

“Shameless, gossiping vultures. How dare they! Augh, I can’t even…what gives them the right to ask things like that?!” Ruby was pacing the minimal confines of her room, waving their arms in agitation, oblivious to her presence in their outrage. They turned sharply and addressed the nodding sunflower that someone had put on the tray in a little vase. It’s broad yellow face remained neutral to the ranting. “Our personal lives are not some sort of dime novel entertainment! I told them if they didn't hush up I'd throw the next pest over the rail! I meant it! Right over the rail!”

“Let me guess,” Sapphire interrupted, a chill running down her spine. “We’re the talk of the town… or the boat, as the case may be.” 

“Yes. I’m...I’m so sorry, Sapph. I never thought… your reputation... they… I…” As Ruby’s focus shifted from their own feelings to Sapphire, their voice grew fainter and more disjointed until it faded out entirely. They hiccuped and wiped the back of their hand across their eyes. Tears were welling up. The young woman gathered the drooping form of her lover close and guided them both down to sit on the floor. Ruby’s forehead fell forward to press into her shoulder and she wrapped her arms protectively around their shoulders. 

“The moment I walked into the kitchen, all the women started asking the most personal questions,” Ruby said when they were able to pick up the narrative again. Resentment bled into their tone again, showing through the distress in places as a blood might seep through a bandaged wound. “It was horrible! They asked everything from if we’d both been virgins until last night to..to..to things I’m not going to repeat because I respect you too much to think things like that about you! I hate it! I hate them! You’re… I...” 

“Did nothing wrong,” Sapphire said, completing Ruby’s sentence when listening to them struggle became unbearable. She wasn’t surprised, but her pride stung to know she was the subject of merciless gossip. Ruby didn’t need to tell her the particulars of what was being said, because she could well imagine it for herself. She’d heard the staff remark more than once that having a man between her legs was just what the prudish little singer needed to loosen up. All she could do to save face would be to ignore the gossip entirely, but while Sapphire could pretend to be indifferent, she realized now, oh how she should have known, that Ruby wasn’t capable of that coldness. “I knew it would come down to this eventually, I just didn't think they'd catch on this fast. Forgive me, Ruby. I should have warned you. Do you regret - ”

Ruby’s mouth crushed against her own, cutting her off. They rose up on their knees and bent over her, allowing her mere seconds to gasp for breath while they kissed her cheeks and forehead, before returning to her lips. Ruby smothered any lingering doubts or protests with the same single-minded passion that had inspired such trust and temptation the night before. Sapphire gratefully melted into the strength that moved to surround her and parted her lips to give Ruby more room to play, but they drew away and raised the back of her hand for a final reverent kiss. 

Following that, breakfast was shared with lighter hearts. Ruby pulled the tray down from the bed and they ate sitting on her rug. Ruby dug into a dish of shrimp and grits with a gusto she’d never found for breakfast, picking at sausages and a peach crumble while Sapph nibbled at a biscuit. To her, the coffee was the prize on the tray and she laughed when Ruby made a disgusted noise and stuck out their tongue. She swore to them that she’d take them to a nice cafe in New Orleans and show them coffee could be delicious. Their only response was to pour more milk and sugar into their own cup. 

She told Ruby of her idea to give them privacy and they nodded eagerly before chuckling. They explained that would solve one problem, but create another. The newest gossip would be that they were well and truly whipped, but Ruby gave her a lopsided grin and suggested it might salvage her dignity a bit. She suggested they make a better use of their mouth than talking nonsense and they leaned across the tray as if to comply. Instead Ruby snatched the jar of preserve she’d been using for her biscuits and ate a generous spoonful. It was only when the tray had been cleared and Ruby had licked the preserve jar clean that they looked at her seriously and asked if she wanted them to begin explaining. 

“I wanted to be myself, Sapph, That’s all,” Ruby said once they’d thought about the best place to start. “I wanted a life where I could dress and act in a way that felt right to me. I’m not trying to be a man or a woman, because I don’t feel like either fits me. When I was first adopted, I had this idea that I'd finally found that freedom. It turned out that all I found was a small, sheltered place and when I went out into the world all the expectations and rules were still there waiting for me. The best way I can explain how I feel is that it’s like wearing clothes that don’t fit right - if doesn’t hurt too much then most people just ignore the discomfort. They don’t ask why they have to wear the uncomfortable clothing or try to find something else to wear. They just accept that’s their lot in life.”

“At first I tried correcting people and trying to explain that I didn’t feel like a man or a woman, but in the end I’ve just learned to ignore it. People only want to see what fits their worldview, so they look at my clothes and see a man. If I wore different clothes, they’d see a woman. In their minds, there is no room for anything else to exist.”

So far, although the things Ruby was saying had never crossed her mind before, everything sounded logical. She’d discovered the night before that the clothes and the body that wore them weren’t relevant in her heart, because everything that was Ruby to her existed beneath those superficial things, but it was important to her that they were comfortable. To be certain she understood, Sapphire said, “And you don’t fit.”

“I don’t,” they agreed, nodding to her. Ruby hesitated for a moment and added, “but I think there are a lot of people are uncomfortable and ignoring it. It’s easier to fit in and force yourself into the clothes people expect you to wear. You’re meeting expectations that you don’t even realize you’re living up to.”

Sapphire sipped the last of her cooling coffee and considered. She’d understood what Ruby had said in reference to themselves, but their discomfort wasn't her own. “I’m sorry, Ruby. I don’t quite follow.”

“Every time you go out, you take a parasol and a hat. Do you like doing that?” Ruby was watching her intently and, when she nodded, they grinned like they'd just won a hand of cards. “It’s a bother, isn’t it? But you always take it to keep the sun off your skin. Why is that?”

“Because…” Sapphire paused, thinking back to all her childhood pleadings to not be forced to wear a hat or stay indoors. The ribbon that tied under her chin to secure the hat had rubbed and any playing around invariably knocked it askew. It had made her feel even hotter in the summer, but her mother had been unyielding in her lectures. “Because it’s not ladylike to get sunburned and ...and tan like…” 

“Like working-class women who can’t help it. You do everything you can to keep your skin as light as it can be, because you've been taught a beautiful woman is one who looks like she's wealthy enough to never do manual labor.” She’d never heard Ruby speak with such contempt before, but it was clearly not directed at her and that was her primary concern. They pushed the tray aside and closed the distance between them once more. “In that ideal, a woman is delicate and idle and ornamental! You're none of those things and thank God for that.”

There was no mistaking the warmth of their pride or the lips that touched her cheek, but there was something sad in their eyes when they pulled away. A warm hand enveloped her own and then pulled it up to eye level. “It's one other thing too. Maybe, at the back of your mind, you also want to make sure your skin color doesn’t go beyond the limit of what’s acceptably exotic to something that would make most patrons sneer. I’m not saying you’re doing something that makes you a bad person, because I do it too, but you don’t even realize how much you’re hiding.”

Sapphire stared at their joined hands, at the swarthy tan of the hand holding hers and the contrast it presented against the pale bronze of her skin. Skin that would have turned a rich copper if she didn’t take every precaution to keep the sunlight off it. Ruby squeezed her fingers and let go, sparing her from dwelling any deeper on that revelation. When they asked if she had any other questions, there was only one.

“Have you always fancied women?”

“I can’t say I thought about it like that. I’ve kissed a few people, both men and women, but there isn’t anything I could say that is always attractive to me. They were all very different and so were the reasons I liked them,” Ruby said, speaking slowly and carefully. They looked her squarely in the eyes and the controlled intensity gave her the oddest, most pleasurable little fluttering in her stomach. “But it wasn’t like what I felt with you. No one has ever made me feel like you.” 

Heat blossomed in Sapphire’s cheeks. These declarations Ruby had been making left her breathless and lightheaded, but she never wanted to get used to them. She never wanted that sensation to fade and she closed her eyes to better hold onto the feeling. Sapphire had never felt like this either, never imagined herself with anyone or thought it would be something she could crave. Being with a man had never sounded appealing and that she had alternatives hadn’t occurred to her. Lips touched her own and she blindly leaned into the scent and taste of her lover, thrilled to her core that she’d been wrong about what life could offer her beyond the daily routine of her job. 

It was deeply disappointing when the moment didn’t last. She opened her eyes to see Ruby panting and looking at her mouth. She reached for them and pouted that they turned away, but they licked their lips. Yes? More? She was still trying to understand the mixed signals when Ruby sighed and rubbed the back of their neck. “I could do that for the rest of my life, Sapph, but I’ve got some things to pick up in town and the boss wants to see you. Oh uh… did I forget to say that before?”


	3. Chapter 3

The walk to her employer's office had never felt so long and the staccato click of her boots on the deck had never seemed so loud. Sapphire held her head high, but in truth she'd rather have crawled under a rock. To spare Ruby any further upset, she'd taken the humiliating trip to kitchen to return the empty tray. She’d pushed open the swinging door as slowly and quietly as possible and left it on a counter just inside the door, but that had still been enough to bring her to the attention of the kitchen staff. The conversation had ended immediately. In that dead silence she turned her back on the knowing looks and retreated just in front of a wave of resumed laughter. 

As she approached the stateroom, even the wind seemed to be taunting her, tugging wisps of hair loose from the pins and tweaking the hem of her dress. Whispering in her ears. No, not whispering and not the wind. Muffled yelling was audible through the closed door to the stateroom and Sapphire hesitated as she reached for the brass doorknob. If Herr Schwarz was having some sort of bad business deal or personal discussion, she didn’t want to interrupt, but her dignity had already been bruised enough for one day without standing in the hallway with her hands clasped like a penitent child. Or like it was time for Sunday confessional and she was waiting her turn for absolution. 

Indignation simmered and roiled in her stomach, making Sapphire grateful that she’d eaten sparingly. Her personal business was nobody’s but her own and she certainly didn’t need to be lectured on it or be called forward to seek forgiveness. Sapphire raised her hand once more, this time to knock to announce her presence, when the door flew open and struck her hand and the shoulder she reflexively turned to protect her face so hard they were numb for a heartbeat. Then the pain set in and a young man grabbed hold of her throbbing wrist and twisted.

Sapphire was spared an undignified shriek only because the pain was too intense to breathe. The young man pulled her closer and she found herself looking into blue eyes that held none of Ruby’s warmth and gentleness. There was something aquiline his clean shaven face, in the curve of his nose and the sharp sweep of his eyebrows, and, like a mouse pinned beneath the gaze of a hawk, Sapphire froze in place. His eyes raked up and down her body. 

“Well, you aren’t hard to look at for a mixed breed, are you? You never said how pretty she was, Father, but then I suppose you’d have to speak to me more regularly to exchange small talk about the hired help,” the young man said, just as casually as if they were discussing the weather. It was like being thrown from the railing; her gut lurched sickeningly as the ground seemed to fall from under her and the cold shock left her trembling. 

There was the screeching scrape of a chair being shoved across a wood floor and the barrel-chested form of Herr Schwarz hove into her line of sight. His voice was usually a resonant baritone that invoked answering smiles as he invited one and all to join his latest event or escapade, but now the booming only inspired her to cringe back as far as the grip on her wrist allowed. “Arnold, let her go this instant and leave! I’m not lending you a dime for any get-rich-quick schemes and I’m certainly not going to tolerate such indecent behavior out of you!”

“Indecent?” Arnold asked, no more moved by his father’s fury than her horror. He stayed carefully between Herr Schwarz and herself, shifting subtly to block any attempt to reach her. She got the distinct feeling he was toying with them both and, when he spoke again, she knew it for certain. “She may be my replacement, Father, but she’s not my sister. It’s not unwholesome to be attracted to a woman, even if she has some native blood. Wouldn’t it be ideal if we kept everything in the family, including her? You’re a little old, but I’m not. Or do you intend to wed and bed her yourself? I suppose you could get a replacement for me after all, if that’s what you choose.”

For the first time in her short life, Sapphire knew the taste of hatred. It rose in her throat, as acidic and bitter as bile, at the condescending sneer of young man looked down his nose at her, at the obvious pleasure he was taking in her distress and degradation. Herr Schwarz was more still than she’d ever seen him, staring wide eyed and ashen faced under his thick beard. 

“I’ve never been more ashamed that you’re my son than I am in this moment,” Herr Schwarz said, his voice deceptively quiet and soft, thunder on a distant but ominous looking horizon. He took a single step forward. Livid color was returning to his cheeks. “If you’d come to me and asked for work or an introduction to a businessman who could give you a job, I’d have moved the stars for you. Instead, you swoop in, demand money because you still believe you can find success without putting in time and work, and then you top your performance with such obscene disrespect to a woman. What do you think your mother would feel if she could see you in this moment?”

“I’m wounded by such unpleasant accusations and I wouldn’t know what Mother would have thought. She’s dead, or have you forgotten that? You’re good at forgetting people, I’ve found, but have it your way.” Until that moment, Arnold had been all placid mockery. He shrugged and shook his head, as if the conversation was of no concern to him personally, which made the sudden violence all the more stunning when he flung her aside. Sapphire staggered and fell heavily to her knees, clutching her hand to her chest, and the young man stepped around her. “I’ll take my leave and hope you come to your senses eventually. Until then, have fun playing with the hired help.” 

A hand touched her elbow and Sapphire flinched away, scrambling to her feet and flattening herself against the wall, but it was only Herr Schwartz trying to lift her. In contrast to his son, he let go and removed himself from her personal space immediately. When he waved her into the room, Sapphire entered reluctantly and took the seat her employer held out for her. Having settled her, he went to a cabinet and took out a crystal decanter of bourbon. She shook her head when he offered a glass and he poured enough into his own glass for both of them. The hand that raised the glass to his lips was shaking; Sapphire politely looked away and clasped her own hands together. Once he’d taken his place behind the mahogany desk, Herr Schwarz spread his hands and said, “I cannot apologize enough for my son’s behavior towards you, Sapphire. If I'd had any idea he'd act that way, I wouldn’t have allowed him onboard.”

Wendell Schwarz was a man who had always seemed to be chasing after something that he never quite found; he ran from one interesting business propositions to another, to parties and events, to every place his feet and money and charm could take him. At times there was desperation in it that Sapphire occasionally glimpsed in passing, but most people were swept along in the search, never knowing it was a search, happy to be a part of something grand and exciting. Eating and drinking to excess and surrounding himself with people to fill some unimaginable need. She’d wondered what he ran from and, looking at the aging man who sat bowed with grief in front of her, Sapphire thought she knew. 

“I felt like I might go mad after my Lily passed away. It seemed like putting him into a good boarding school was the right choice,” he said, tossing back what was left in the glass before pouring himself another. He seemed to be speaking to himself, staring with dull eyes into the amber liquid as if to divine the answers. Or forget them. “He’d be surrounded by mentors and friends to support him in ways I didn’t feel I could. By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late.”

Sapphire shifted in her seat and he jumped as if surprised someone else was there. As he refocused on her, the slumped shoulders straightened and he pushed the glass aside. “That is not your problem and I’m sure you’ve had enough of my family troubles for one day. Again, I can only apologize for what happened. Are you hurt? Is there anything I can do to make amends?”

“You did nothing that needs apologizing for,” Sapphire answered without hesitation. The trembling in her limbs was fading away and the young woman was able to meet Herr Schwarz’s eyes steadily when she said, “Your son is an adult and his actions are his own, but I hope you understand me when I say, as much as I love my position here, I would sooner quit than be treated like that a second time.” 

It was an empty threat, whether her employer knew it or not. Sapphire’s world was the steamboat and she could not imagine an existence outside of it. She was a performer and a formidable gambler, the grand and gracious hostess of the Empress Lily; leaving would be to give up her very identity. Herr Schwarz nodded his understanding of her terms, regardless of her will to enforce them, and she continued after an awkward pause. “I was told you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, yes, that’s right. I’d almost forgotten. I’m sure you’re aware that there’s a rumor going around that you and Ruby are courting each other. The gossip mill very nearly exploded this morning, in fact.”

Sapphire’s lips compressed into a thin, displeased line. She’d almost forgotten her irritation in the flood of shock and fear, but now it resurfaced with a vengeance as yet another person twitted her about her love life. Herr Schwarz was her employer, though, so she replied with stiff courtesy, “I’m aware my personal life is the subject of speculation, yes.” 

“I’m sorry, I can see I’m the one upsetting you now. This isn’t an interrogation, Sapphire. I’m not going to pry or scold you, but your father isn’t here and I thought…” Herr Schwarz’s expression distorted in misery and he dropped his face into his hands as if her rejection was one defeat more than could be endured. Perhaps it was. “I’ve failed at raising my own son, but I thought perhaps I’d done right by you at least. If I can’t even say this right…” 

Guilt warred discordantly with pride in her heart. Sapphire was a private person and she hadn’t wanted to talk about feelings that she barely understood herself, but Herr Schwarz hadn’t meant any harm. He lifted his head and for a moment his hands came together in an almost prayerful attitude, his eyes turned upward pleadingly before glancing to his left. To the portrait that had hung in his office since she'd first met him. To Lily. Sapphire turned too, looking into hazel eyes that had been eternally painted into an expression of joy. Everything about this woman, whom she had never met, spoke of a liveliness that was incompatible with death. Wild red hair, only partially tamed into a braid, and a thick peppering of freckles lent vivid color to porcelain skin. Lily grinned out at the world with a certain impishness that called for an answering smile. 

“She’d have known what to say and do. Lily used to joke that I was her bull in a china shop, but it didn’t matter because she had a talent for fitting puzzle pieces together,” Herr Schwarz said, his voice raw and rough. She watched his throat work and the silence dragged on painfully. Finally, he blinked the moisture from his eyes and took a shuddering breath. “What I’m trying to say is… are you happy, my dear? I know Ruby is a kind young fellow and he’s beyond smitten with you, but do you feel happy with him? Is there anything that worries you or that you need?” 

“I… yes. I am.” Sapphire hadn’t been prepared for this. She’d expected a lecture on virtue or a stern reminder that part of her job was to always look available, but never make herself available. She thought perhaps he’d object to the gossip distracting the staff. Uncertain, but wanting to offer both honesty and whatever comfort she could, Sapphire said, “Whatever you may think, I want to to know my life here has been a happy one. As a child I never suffered for want of anything under your guardianship and as an adult I've been fairly treated.”

“Are you certain?” He persisted, coming around the desk to kneel at her feet. Earnestly, the old man who was beginning to bend beneath the weight of life stared up into the fresh young face of the child who had become a woman. “I've realized, as I've watched you with Ruby, that you must have been lonely. It doesn't seem to me that you've made any close friends until now and you have no contact with your family. I know you’re a grown woman now and your business is your own. I know you probably don't appreciate an old man’s meddling and questions, but you've been in my care since you were a child and I ...”

Herr Schwarz tentatively reached out a hand and Sapphire’s lifted from her lap, yet the space between them remained. It seemed to her that years had passed by with one or the other stretching out across the vast gulf of time and missed moments, never finding a place where they could bridge the differences between them. He never knew what to say, she was never a talkative person, the moments always passed and time moved on without them. Sapphire’s hand dropped back to her lap and Herr Schwarz let his hand fall to his side. 

“I have no regrets for the choices I've made. None.” Sapphire hadn’t meant to sound so sharp and she smiled to soften the decisive words. She felt like this conversation had crossed the boundaries of an employer-employee conversation by a wide margin and she carefully considered this man who she knew better than her own father. Someone who had watched her grow up and taught her everything he knew, who had gifted her with her first pearl necklace and introduced her into high society. More than that, someone who had sat and listened to childish flights of fancy and equally childish miseries, who had made her feel special and confident in herself. Sapphire looked back on her life up to this point with new eyes and wondered how she had been so blind. Yet she still shied away from the depth and weight of her revelation, unsure what to say. In the end, she offered Herr Schwarz the plain truth. “Everything I want for my life is right here and… I'm in love.”

“Then I'm happy for you, my dear.” The warmth and approval behind those simple words was palpable. She didn’t need it, but having that made more of a difference that she could have imagined. Someone was happy for them. Then Herr Schwarz stood and the grandiose showman lived again. Sweeping his hands to each side, he waggled his bushy eyebrows at her and winked. “You'll invite me to the wedding, won't you? Or better yet, let me throw one for you whenever you are ready for that step. I'll see you have the kind of event that will have every woman south of the Mason Dixon line weeping in envy of you for a generation. You’ll have a trousseau that wouldn’t shame a princess and the prettiest dress of the most fashionable Parisian styles. I promise, I couldn’t do better by you than I would my own daughter.” 

It was exaggerated, excessive, extravagant, and utterly unnecessary, and she laughed precisely because of that. Her vain and prideful little heart did enjoy the idea of making others envy her too. Oh yes. She thought, in the end, something private would be better, but how it delighted her to imagine herself in that starring role, dripping in diamonds and pearls and french lace while others could only dream of being her. In a mockery of modesty, Sapphire bowed her head and looked up through her eyelashes. “Oh my, I think that would be grand.”

“Wonderful! Wonderful!” Herr Schwarz roared with merriment and applauded her performance. Encore! He extended a hand and helped her up, guiding her towards the door as he continued to explain. The weight seemed to have been lifted from his shoulders, but the laughter mellowed to something sincere and benevolent. “I won’t keep you any longer, but I want you to enjoy this time in your life. There is nothing so exciting than love that has just begun to bloom and nothing of greater value than love that endures. Treasure it and keep it safe, my dear. Perhaps spend a quiet evening together?” 

At her puzzled look, he patted her shoulder and said, “It’s Sunday, Sapphire. We are closed to the public on this, our day of rest, but that does remind me. Mardi Gras is almost upon us and we’re heading back to port in New Orleans. I’ve been invited to several galas and I want to take you with me. Bring your little prairie sunflower too. We’ll get him a suit and a new dress for you. Would you like that?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, excited by this in a far less conceited way. She had wanted a chance to show Ruby the city she was born in and Sapphire knew they’d see New Orleans in it’s best finery for the occasion. Herr Schwarz went back to his desk and began shuffling through the papers scattered across the surface. She half feared asking, but Ruby’s personality must have been rubbing off. Her curiosity got the best of her. “Why did you call Ruby a sunflower? Someone put one on our breakfast tray too.”

“Have you seen many sunflowers? No? Very happy, amiable flowers. They have a peculiar habit of always turning their faces throughout the day to face the sun and anyone who has watched the two of you knows that Ruby is forever turning to face you. The flower follows the sun ardently and with singular focus.”


End file.
